I Just Don’t Get This Game

I did it. Something I didn’t think I’d ever do. I signed up on a dating website. Results? I hate it. I don’t know what I am doing. I don’t know what is right or wrong. Some are just too fast or maybe I am just too slow. Either way, it is not for me, but that leaves me with what is? What is for me? I can’t meet anyone the old fashioned way and I am not a fan of this way, so what do I have left? I am old fashioned and a hopeless romantic too, so I want someone that is interested in me to SHOW me they are interested. You know what I mean? I want them to put the work in and PROVE to me that I am worth it. That’s not to say I am a snob and won’t do any work because that is far from the truth. Once I realize a person is for real, I will give them my all. All I ever wanted, as my past blog indicated was to be an amazing mom and an amazing wife. I got half of that that, well, the mom part, I don’t know about the amazing but I try. Oh, and if you’re wondering, I didn’t screw up the wife part. I didn’t ever have it. Long story that I don’t want to get into right now.

I have gotten to the point where cell phone numbers were exchanged. This guy “liked” my profile, so I “liked” his. We exchanged conversation for a bit and then I admitted to him that I would like to get to know him more. He gave me his cell number. I waited awhile because I didn’t want to look desperate or too excited and I also don’t know the rules. I text him the next day and told him that this is my number. We exchanged greetings and left it at that. I haven’t heard from him. I have a self help book that I am listening to and it says to let him reach out to you and that it may take a couple of days, so here I am waiting. Not sitting by my phone waiting, but not reaching out to him because I am supposed to let him contact me first. Maybe a guy should write a self help book for women. Oh wait, didn’t Steve Harvey do that? I need to go and check it out. I say that because it is easy for a woman to tell a woman what works, but she’s not a man and doesn’t have the mind of a man so how does she truly know what works and doesn’t? This isn’t really about this one man. I only spoke to him for a bit, but it’s about the whole process. Me constantly guessing if I am doing it right or wrong? And then, if you’ve read past blogs, you know I am extremely hard on myself, so I begin to question what I am doing wrong. Why doesn’t someone see the value and beauty in me? This book says the normal, that it’s not about looks that a man is interested in, but then she says, “Oh, they have to be attracted to you before they decide to get to know you, but it’s what’s on the inside that keeps you there.” So then I begin to question my outer beauty. Why can’t I pull someone in so they can see what is on the inside? I must be hideous. I know I’m not, but I begin to wonder. It is a vicious cycle.

I came across a TikTok where a guy is standing on the beach with some music playing and there is a caption that simply says, “This is a shout out to all the single women out there that complain about being single but never got out. Just waiting for Mr. Right to break into your house.” I laughed because it really is true. I want my Prince Charming to come riding up on his horse and tell me that it is me; it has always been me. 🙂

I really do want to meet someone. I always have. I just can’t handle the psychological games. I really believe that I am worth it. I really do believe that if I met someone today and they took a chance on me, they would never regret it. BUT, how do I get there?

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