Uh oh, it’s one of those mornings where my coffee doesn’t taste right, my neck hurts, the news is getting on my nerves, and it just feels gloomy. And then there is the fact that I am listening to music and the song One of the Good Ones is on and it is making me angry because I am now focusing on the fact that I have never been able to find “my” good one. Yes, I have made progress since blog one, but I told you guys that I would back step now and again, and although, my readers may not like it when I am in this funk, the whole point of this blog is to work through my emotions. I’m going to be honest, I knew this type of morning was coming when my last two blogs didn’t flow right. I was holding back from taking my writing to this person again, but today I have to take it here so I can work through it. However, I don’t think I should be so upset with myself. Think about, quotes like “In order to see the rainbow, you have to stand a little rain.” wouldn’t be a thing if people didn’t have days like this.
Ha ha, on another note, and the direction this blog is going to go. I am now watching Miranda Lambert and Ella King’s music video Drunk and I Don’t Want to Go Home and I am smiling. Miranda Lambert always comes across as a bad ass to me and I love it. I want to be a bad ass. I really do. I want to take this world on and not be afraid. I don’t want to be timid. I don’t want to care about what people think about me. When I was a little girl, I wasn’t scared of anything. I’ve spoken about this little girl before. My older brother had to watch me and he took me everywhere with him. If he and his friends were playing football, I played and I played just as hard. If he and his friends played guns, I played. If any of his friends were dicks to him, I stepped in. He didn’t like for me to do that, but no one messed with my brother. If my brother was a jerk to me, I didn’t back down. If I got hurt, the more it hurt, the less I cried. Fingers slammed into the trunk of a car, no tears. Hit by a motorcycle while I was riding my bike, no pain. I climbed on top of our storage building all the time just so I could jump off. I was a bad ass. When did that girl leave me? Why did she leave me? I want her back, but how do I get there? First of all, I think I would need to quit seeing the negative and focus on the positive. For instance, as I am writing out the things I liked about that little girl, my mind kept wanting to tell you the big baby she could be at times. Why? Everyone has a negative side. Why am I so hard on myself? I need to remind myself of my own advice here. There is beauty in the flaws, which I spoke about a couple of blogs ago. I think once I can find peace in my flaws and how I need one with the other, then I can find that bad ass girl again.
That’s it. That’s it! I am in search of that little girl. This is similar to a previous blog about wanting the be a bad bitch. I think bad ass and bad bitch gives off the same connotation. I am ready to take on this world and not back down anymore. Some may look at me and think, “Aren’t you a little too old to change?” My answer to them, “Hell no!” Age will not define me and it shouldn’t any of you either. Find the you you have always wanted to be and be her or him. Quit letting the people around you or even your own self doubt define you. Let’s take this journey together. I am great at being other people’s cheerleader, so I am all for being yours and all I ask in return is that you be mine. Let’s do this!